I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
