$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
