I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
