Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
