So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
