He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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