you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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