32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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