Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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