we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
