You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
