Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
