Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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