She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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