dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
