I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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