that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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