According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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