I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
