this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
