I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
