It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
