we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
