he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
