so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
