Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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