Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
