my mouth tastes like poor choices
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am spending my child support on dildos
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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