First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
