Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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