How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
