could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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