I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
