Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think my moral compass just broke
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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