I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
