At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
