you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
