That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
