my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
