i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
