dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I bet he comes in French.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
