Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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