sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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