five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
