i just had sex bonerless
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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