It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
