Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
