I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
