I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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