That's intense
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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