Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
