dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
