All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
