hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
